The big question

I feel like the big question is looming so I have been trying to formulate a response to it. People obviously want to know why we don't just adopt Katia if things have gone soo well. Unfortunately life is just not cut and dry or black and white. It is much more complicated than all that. This is a multi-faceted response that I am struggling to get right so you will have to bear with me. Making it harder is the fact that I am so conflicted. I would love if it were a simple solution of a girl with no home who we just keep. I think people see it like that as a straight forward equation but adoption doesn't work that way.

The first point is that she is a social orphan not an orphan with the traditional deceased parents . She has a living mother and 3 brothers. This is not a mother that has signed away rights like in traditional adoption. If she showed up tomm. And could show that she could care for Katia I am sure they would turn her back over. The Ukraine govt does not have a simple and clear cut way to adopt these children and it would require a court process. That process would involve travel to the Ukraine and a lengthy stay there and at the end we could still have a very good chance of leaving empty handed. They would have to track down the mother to get her to sign off. Plus she has these family members and I'm not sure taking her away from them is permanently is the most ethical thing to do...See its confusing.

The cost of a shaky and unsure adoption would be in the tens of thousands of dollars and as a stay at home mother that's a hard financial burden to place on the rest of the family. It would also mean that the family would be consumed with paperwork and home studies and such. Its a lot to jump into.

There is also the language and social barriers. While its wonderful to visit here she really is not a part of our"real" day to day life. She isn't attending school or such---its been more of a vacation. I'm not sure how hard the leap to a totally different lifestyle and culture would be for a girl in her formative years. She also hasn't been a member of a family and attachment difficulties are almost the norm for children raised in institutional settings. I also know that displacing Emily as the older child is something usually not recommended in adoption.

Still knowing all this logically is not the same as knowing that there is a beautiful, sweet girl who will not have a mom and dad tucking her in at night..

So where does that leave me/us besides confused. While I still haven't completely shut the door on adoption its just looking very complicated. However I have some ideas to still impact her life positively. First we plan to raise enough money to bring her back every year and to provide for her basic needs (clothing, etc.). We will write often and send packages. I think knowing that there are people that care about her and don't forget her will be important. In 4 short years she will leave the orphanage. That is when most children are forced to turn to prostitution (60-70%) or crime to survive. The orphans are entitled to free tuition at state university but it doesn't include room and board or books so most don't take advantage of it. For something like 500-1000 we can make sure that she gets an education and stays off the streets. Another option is to sponsor her to come here and work when she is older. We will see what the future holds but at least this isn't soo hopeless. I feel like maybe we are making our own "caseplan"